Today is my brother, Tom’s 30th birthday. Tom, may you get everything you wish for, and wish for many more! You share the day with the sinking of the Titanic and Lincoln’s assassination. Woot!
When you were 5, you loved to sing and read. Your voice was like an angel soprano and you pronounced Russia like “roose-ee-a” and Ohio like “Oh-hee-oh”. But the stories were amazing.
When you were 7, you removed the players from your tabletop hockey rink game and used my My Little Ponies to stage your own pony Icecapades.
I forget what birthday it was, but I do remember being threatened with a spanking and sent to my room when I told you about a vinyl pencil case you were getting for your birthday. It was in the shape of a big pencil. Sorry.
When you were 8, you read a book to my class and I was very proud. One day, you were sick from school, and when I was faced with the task of opening my milk carton without your help, I cried. This was also the year you left me and Courtney face-to-face with a large, barking dog and flew up a tree to save yourself.
When you were 9, you got a black and white hamster you named Tony Pena, after the then-catcher some position I don’t remotely remember of the Red Sox. (**which came in handy during a recent, rather obscure conversation about baseball, in which I was able to impress my dinner companions with my knowledge of Tony Pena’s existence. So, thank you.)
When you were 10, you said if you won the lottery, you’d spend it all at Rix (drugstore down the street), on Mad magazines and candy bars.
Around this time, you also went through a gem phase – you know what I’m talking about!
When you were 11, you told me that boys only had to wash their hair when they changed their underwear, and that boys only changed their underwear every couple of weeks. Gross.
When you were 12, you and your friend Seth wanted Anna Chlumsky underwear, after falling in love with her as Vada Sultenfuss in the movie, My Girl.
When you were 13, you had a flat top that you brushed with a rubber comb thingy that hooked onto your finger.
After that, it’s all a blur of high school newspapers, Ivy League eating clubs, party-crashing, politics, law school and lots of misbehavior all along the east coast.
Mazel tov on a rich and accomplished 30 years, my big brother!!!!!!!!!!